- Lychee, intravenous drug user & idiot.
"Picking coconuts is quite common on the island…it's just that Keith had a bit of an accident coming down."
- Fijiian witness to musician & drug fan Keith Richards falling from a coconut tree
“Bust a nut in your eyes- so you see where I'm coming from.”
- Lil Wayne, rapper-producer & probable drug user & Keith Richards fan.
The humble niu (drinking coconut) is an emblem of the Pacific in the collective eyes of the world.
For holidaymakers- work seems a long way away when you’re drinking in a vista of swaying coconut palms, & sucking down an icy niu malulu …with or without teeny tropical umbrella, fruit nuggets, & a generous dash or 3 of your favourite spirit.
The direct mental association of the coconut is enough for it to have developed into a term of endearment for Pacific Islanders (or a term of derogation, depending on the object & the source).
“Coconut water” is global flavour of the month for elite athletes seeking a fluid replenishment without the high sugar or sodium of manufactured alternatives. The sterile, mineral rich water tapped into the fruit through the coconut palm is even suitable for a temporary blood transfusion in a pinch. In the tunnels of Cu-Chi, Vietnam I heard stories of niu saving lives during the “American War”. There are also records of allied soldiers using coconut water in emergency field hospitals in WWII… & (for my brother- the aspiring Chilean mountain biker) coconut water is even better than milk for keeping a lost tooth viable.
So why, for the love of druce, why is it so hard to get a niu in a Samoan bar?
I’ve had a lower than 50% strike rate on ordering coconuts on the menu in bars & resorts- & I’ve been to a few. Sitting next to a coconut palm, having walked past a roadside stalls & markets crammed with freshly husked niu for a dollar…it defies belief to hear a barman (the term barman is applied in the loosest sense possible) advising you that niu are not available today…
They’re on the trees, they’re on the road, they’re on the flippin bar menu at $5 a pop, but they’re not- for some reason- on the bar.
It’s left me like Keith Richards beneath a coconut palm- stunned. They cost nothing, they’re plentiful, they’re a tourist favourite…for nuts sake- they’re everywhere!
In the early part of the 20th Century, Samoan copra (coconut oil) production led the world by volume…it was an agricultural jewel in the Kaisers crown (...or agricultural spike on his funny hat, anyway).
There are still something like 5000 acres of aging coconut palms- many of which date back to colonial rule, a small portion of which are used for commercial gain in Samoa. OK, so the bottom end of the copra market dropped out with the spread of electricity…but I don’t want to fuel a freakin hurricane lamp or make soap- I just want a refreshing beverage in the shape of something which is clearly mentioned in my travel insurance as being so flippin plentiful that they are a credible risk of killing you by dropping from above without warning!!
It’s easy to criticise…(by god it’s easy)…
but… the Samoan tourism industry needs help, not criticism. It’s a waning option in a competitive Pacific market which is gaining momentum. Samoan Tourism Authority figures released earlier this month aren’t encouraging- indicating flat tourist numbers over the last half decade, & recent declines. The success of Fiji points the way to tourist success…better options, better service, better cooperation & better marketing… like that singular, sexy catchphrase- ”Fiji Me”- suggestive, seductive & simple.
As Hip Hop culture sweeps the globe & Samoan youths swagger the streets of Sydney, LA, Brisbane & Auckland, swaying in their NFL & NBA merchandise to Beats headphones segregating them to the verses of Drake, Whiz or old school Dre…I smell opportunity & I see a newly suggestive Samoan tourism slogan. All pacific, with a hip-hop twist… a nod to the niu & old…
who wouldn’t want to… “Bust-a-nut in Samoa”
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