Jailbreak

"Gonna make a jaaaail-break...and I'm lookin' towards the sky
I'm gonna make a jaaaaail-break...oh, how I wish that I could fly
All in the name of liberty
All in the name of liberty"

-AC/DC Jailbreak

Below is adapted from a recent news story…

A mass prison break at Tafa’igata a fortnight ago involved 10 prisoners, the youngest a 13-year-old boy.

(Why would a 13 year old boy be in prison?)  

The incident was confirmed by the Assistant Commissioner of Prisons and Corrections Service, who said the prisoners escaped through a hole on the wall of their cell.

(…a hole…in the wall of their cell…)

The prisoners had dug a hole through a brick wall.

 (The bricklayer was unavailable for comment…)

“There were nine prisoners plus another that was remanded in custody that escaped,” he said.

(…so 10 dudes, escaped through one hole, in one wall, in one cell…who are apparently unrelated and in different forms of custody…)

He added that three other prisoners in the same cell decided not to follow the rest.

(…so 13 dudes, had access to one hole, in one cell……who are apparently unrelated and in different forms of custody…)

Seven prisoners were found on Sunday...

(…were they in church?)

while the rest were caught on Monday. All have now been now secured

(...secured...in what sense?...surely you don't mean the prison...)

Ulugia said there are contributing factors to why prisoners always manage to flee

(...“always manage to flee”?)

“…we have been operating with a very minimum staff…and one of the other issues is that we don’t have a security fence as a backstop.

(...“backstop”?)

“Five prisoners that escaped before, had broken through bars and windows which were really secure.”

(..."really secure”?...I feel like this man needs a dictionary…)

“So again, it comes down to supervision and unsecured buildings.

(…"unsecured"? They literally walked through the wall…and out of the un-fenced, un-guarded yard...no need to check the locks…)

“There is also no security fence as a last defence for the safety of the public.”

(really?…a fence seems like a relatively primary measure for imprisonment- rather than a superfluous last line…)

Ulugia pointed to staffing issues. He said seven officers are suspended over an ongoing matter that is before the Court. “Unfortunately we cannot hire new officers until these cases are cleared.”

 (…let me guess…security issues?...but can’t replace them…cause the seven guys before the court, might be cleared…and then they’d be allowed to…um…)

He said the prisoners are being dealt with internally.

(…ooooh…)

There are 670 convicts including women being housed at Tafa’igata.

While at large, the prisoners were linked to a number of crimes- including armed robbery and the attempted assault of a female tourist by a group of men on the Mt Vaea walking track ...